Off the Proverbial Backslide for good???

You know how sometimes you need that little kick in the bootay from the Lord?? Well I just got that, and I LOVED IT!!! I needed it so bad....and figured it was coming sooner or later.

The last few weeks I've just felt so drained spiritually. Remember how when we were younger we'd go to teen rally's and stuff, or experience a really awesome service and re-commit our lives to the Lord?? I KNOW you've been there. And then there's what I like to call the proverbial backslide occuring (insert your usual time frame here). And the loop begins again....? Well, after I got back from the Joyce Meyer's conference (when was that....sometime late September) I felt like I was THE wonder woman. Far cry I must say, but there's something about being in a huge stadium with thousands of women (21,000 to be exact) that makes you feel like when you go home you're going to be supah child of the King, supak wife, supah mom, and/or whatever else applies to your situation. Well for me it was all of 'em. I thought and believed that I could be all of 'em. And why not, right? And actually what I like to call my proverbial backslide didn't begin until much later than my normal spiritual high cycle. I was on a roll!! Quiet times every day at 10 a.m when the kids went down for their nap, cup of coffee to keep me awake (note that sleeping wasn't even an option), comfy blanket, and journal, books, and bible in hand EXCITED about the time the Lord and I were about to spend together. My day was centered around my quiet time. I stopped calling it devos a long time ago. Somehow after having a child and then babysitting two more, quiet time takes on a whole new exciting, gratifying, and fullfilling meaning. And then I hit the wall. Funny thing...don't know where, don't know how, don't know when. But I hit it...and about half way through the wall I realized I was waist thick in it (and depending on the waist....it might not have been that bad) But lets just say this waist was the queen of all waists...Jenny Craig's nightmare...hello fat actress waist. This waist was THICK. And then I realized I'd done it again. My passion was gone. I went from (skim back a few lines) to 10:30 quiet/sleep times...because all of a sudden the internet world became fascinating to me, and all of a sudden I was SO TIRED. I went from quiet times promptly at 10, to "getting there" somewhere from 10:30 to 11:30 and when I did "get there" I was laying in bed (wishing I really had that coffee) half awake, fulfilling my daily "quota" (I HATE that feeling) and frustrated with myself for loosing the passion on the downhill slope of the proverbial slide and instead, on the way down picking up that nagging, guilty feeling that somewhere I've missed the mark and I'm continuing to miss it.

Spiritual desert. I went from spiritual pie in the sky, to spiritual desert. It was like I was in the garden of Eden one minute, enjoying the tantilizing fruit and fantasizing about what else was in the gardern, and the next somehow mystically and tradgically transported to the remains of Sodom and Gomorrah. How picturesque. How discustingly tragjic. How satirical and cruel.

Until today. Today I had a breakthrough. Not because God spoke to me (although if He wanted to I wouldn't object). Not even because I distictly felt God's Spirit (whoa...that's radical, I know....didn't feel God's presence during your quiet time? Didn't hear him say ANTHING to you?? You heathen....) Not even because I felt peaceful afterwards. I had a breakthrough today, this morning, from about 10:15-11:15, on this Wednesday, December 28th, because I made a decision.

No more mediocrity. No more proverbial backslide into a passionate-less relationship with Christ. No more going through the motions (for goodness sake....no more of those....I hate motions....and it's what I do best unfortunately). I made a decision to do only what I can do best. To love Christ with all that is within me, and for goodness sake....to take time out during my blessed day to thank him for the time to do it. To act like he is more important than anything in my life when I say he is.

And so this morning, from approximately 10:15-11:15, you would have found me on my couch, with my coffee, journal, bible and books in hand, ready to jump off the downward slide, and onto the wings of the Eagle, ready to soar again.

And to think I thought I'd even get a little prideful about that. What's there to be prideful about? That in itself is mediocrity. My daily quiet times are not something I should be proud for doing. They are only what I am commanded to do. I am commanded to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. And to me that means giving him the time of day. To me...having daily quiet times are simply being obedient....but it's what I do with them, and how I allow myself to be molded and shaped into the image of Him that I claim to worship, that shows true character and reflection of the Master.