Okay...so here's the deal. Perhaps some of you can offer some sound advice. Gabriel has recently started this "screaming" thing (screaming at the top of his lungs to get attention...not crying...just screaming as loud as he can for as long as he can). I'm wondering, should I acknowledge this with a time out and a talk? OR...should I ignore it so as not to give him the attention he obviously wants?? Should I re-direct him? Or completely ignore him altogether until he's finished screaming and wants to talk like a big boy??? OR....do you have another option?? Mom or not I would LOVE to hear what you have to say. His play mate down the street does this all the time and I'm afraid he's picked it up (and I so hoped he wouldn't). And it's driving me insane. Especially when we're in the check-out at the grocery store and he decides he wants to scream then. And last time when he did it in the check-out I tried ignoring him and pretending like I didn't even notice....until it got really bad and people we're starring at us and he was getting the attention he wanted anyways, so then I calmly tried to tell him to use his "inside voice" which seemed to work for a little bit. Anyways...I'm wondering what to do.....have any of you moms ever experienced this and/or found something that worked?
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9 comments:
My friend's little boy did this for a while, he was older tho, 4 at the time, and picked it up from a friend too. At first it was ignored, then when it didn't go away he would get a reminder he wasn't supposed to do it and then a time out if that didn't work. Like I said tho, he was older. Still, Gabe is old enough to know what stop means and if he doesn't stop when you ask him to he could handle conseuences.
I really hope you can break him of this habit soon. It is really annoying.
We recently went through this exact same thing with Jadon, and we tried EVERYTHING (I'm not a fan of the "ignoring" treatment). However...after a few days of ignoring it and pretending like he wasn't even there? Gone. Hasn't done it since.
It's hard to reason with one so young. I might encourage you to talk with him, punish him (time-out, no dessert/treat, whatever he responds to) but explain to him that he is being disciplined because he is screaming & screaming is not nice (disrespectful).
I think kids can be taught respect when very young. This will be a frustrating time, but it's a great oportunity to start teaching him values!
I just want to point out that he's not even two years old yet. You cannot reason with a two year old. And I can tell you for certain that this is an attempted attention-getter. The best thing you can do is ignore it. Punishing him will onyl make matters worse, because he doesn't understand what he's being punished for. And, in our experience, Jadon only did it MORE that more we tried to "punish" him. The doctor told us it was best to completely ignore the behavior, and leave punishment to the bigger crimes (endangering himself or someone else), because they don't understand the difference between "No, stop screaming" and "No, don't run out into the street in front of cars." He said that Jadon (or any two year old) will learn that "No" for one thing is as equal as another, and just altogether disregard/ignore it.
I may not be a mother, but I sure handle screaming a lot by working at a daycare.
I guess I would say to you first figure out what method to you might work best. You have mentioned some very viable options. Secondly, I would try them to find out what works.
Since I don't know Gabe, I would have told you to pick something you think would work. But since I only saw him as a babe, I don't know.
But if he was in my class I would tell him no. If he didn't stop I would tell him to go to time out. If he would go to time out by himself I would take him there. I would also tell him why he is going there and if he can get it together, I would let him out.
I would also explain why screaming isn't exceptable and that he is not going to get any thing if he just screams. Perhaps, I might say "Mommy is not going to listen to you if you scream."
But I would give up. Take away a fav toy if you have to or a possible treat to get his attention.
I haven't had to deal with the screaming issue per say - but other annoying attention getters. I tried the ignoring method, but Mya only thinks that is funny and she does the annoying thing more. I use time out and she hates it. She had her first time out at about 20 mo. and she fully understood. I keep it really basic, "Mommy said No__, and you didn't obey Mommy". For us, the method of using a minute per age (in her case 2 min.) doesn't work..she'd still be screaming and acting out within that time frame. So our house rule is that she sits in time out until she can say "sorry Mommy (or Daddy)". Then we kiss and I make sure I say "I forgive you" then we move on.
For attention getting behaviour that is not acceptable, or appropriate (ie. screaming in public)my method is to give them attention...just not to kind they want (ie. going to time out). I'm no a personal fan of the ignoring method when the behaviour is on-going and/or carried out in public ~ this just allows them to act out whenever and however they decide they want to.
Screaming isn't such a big issue on the scale of battles we will face with toddlers. But I do think it's our responsibility as parents to teach our kids how to express themselves in productive ways.
My overall theme is 'consistency'. Stick to your guns - they know where you stand (sometimes before you do!!) and are smart little monkeys...smarter than we give them credit for sometimes.
As with anything, temper our advice with your knowledge of your own child - you know best when it comes to Gabe and what works best for his personality.
Thank you all so much for your comments :) He is still screaming...and I am still ignoring, however my resolve is weakening!!!! He is starting to think this is a game, and while I know that two year olds aren't able to grasp huge concepts, Gabriel is certainly aware of when he's being disobedient. SO...all that said, we might be having a talk about this screaming here very soon. I like how you do your time-out's Kristi. It also takes Gabe the "customary" 2 minutes or so to calm down so that theory on age and time doesn't really work in our house either. I like how you expect Mya to say "sorry Mommy/Daddy" before she is able to get up. Gabriel is more than able to do that and does already...just not in time out :) SO...all that said, I'm just as confused as ever about how to handle this situation, and will play it by ear if the ignoring continues to be less effective. Thanks all for your input and certainly if there's any more input anyone would like to add I'm very much open to it!
Jess, it worsens before it gets better. Hang in there. When we first started implementing the "ignoring" strategy, he suddenly got MUCH worse (as if to say "GIVE ME ATTENTION!!!!"), and then I think it clicked: "I get attention when I am behaving, not screaming." It will stop soon. The doc said this is normal 2-year-old boy behavior. Try letting him get some energy out on a daily basis (go to a playground or the play area in the mall). That also seemed to really help Jadon. At this age, they are supposed to have 1/2 hour of structered activity, and 1 hour of free-play physical activites per day. It really does help!
I feel your pain. Though Micaiah is not that old yet, I do know what it feels like to have them get on your last nerve.
Though I have not yet raised a two year-old I do know there are some basic discipline princples that are pretty universal. But that does not mean that every individual technique works for every child. I like Heather's suggestion of telling him you won't listen to him if he screams. That way he knows ahead of time what to expect. But if that does not work, a time out, or taking something else away might do the trick. I guess you have to try various techniques untill you find the one that works. My I recommend Dobson's "Dare to Discipline" and "The Strong-Willed Child". I have only read the first one, but my Mom told me she carried "Strong-Willed Child" in her back pocket for about two years, and even spanked me with it once.
I hope you can figure something out soon. And don't forget to get out of the house and take a break when you need it!
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