"You've got to be kidding me..."

That's exactly what I said to the doctor. "You've got to be kidding...you big jerk. In fact, it's your stupid fault that this happened. Why didn't you warn me? Why didn't you give me a more informative pamphlet to read?" And then that tiny little voice (which I like to assure myself is the voice of reason talking) said, "self...why didn't you read up more on this? Why didn't you ask more questions?" And then I knew...I just knew...I made a huge mistake. Granted a lot of women have made this mistake. (I call it a mistake....they may not realize it's a mistake but women....it's a mistake). Pardon the girly lingo boys, but birth control sucks! Why can't everything just be natural? I guess because I'd wind up 500 ibs with twelve or more kids at home. I can see it now....Justin out plowing in the field, my littlest strapped on my back while I mix homeade buttermilk buscuits, my other eleven children out doing the chores (you know....you've all seen the movies....milking the cows, feeding the chickens....) and thanfully I wake up. That's why the natural method just will not work. But why? Did God really design us to somehow prevent the inevitable from happening? Yeah....I've heard the argument that God doesn't want to give you more children than you can handle and that you should prayerfully consider how many children the Lord actually wants you and your husband to have. But come on....is that really how raising a family should be? On the other hand the thought of being pregnant almost every year of my life is a shocker. So where do you draw the line? Comments please. And so back to my story. Pardon me boys, but this is where it gets a little graphic. Read on at your own discressin :)

So the doctor sits me up after trying to remove what I like to term "The Device of Death" (I found that on a web site in the midst of my endeavor to discover what this foreign object I had the doctor insert in my body was actually doing. It goes by the somewhat innocent name of an IUD or in laymen's terms, and Intra-Uterine Device. Ladies....listen to me and listen to me well....don't bother. I had the doctor insert it somewhat hastily about a month after I had my little one without reading much about it. All I know was it had the highest rate of success in preventing pregnancy, and after the pain of childbirth I figured I could wait a while before inviting myself to more pain. It lasts for up to ten years without a problem (or so they say) and so I was all for it. It was a simply procedure done in the doctors office and so I did it. And then the comments and information started pouring in.

I heard it was similar to abortion. I heard it had adverse side effects that were....how shall I say it....unpleasant? The abortion thing broke me down to tears. I had no idea. I called and requested immediate removal and the doctor decided he wanted to try to change my mind. He explained it wasn't abortion....that it was normal. All normal couples furtilize eggs and they just....become expelled. Is that normal? Well....call it what you want doctor so and so...but it's abortion plain and simple....devastatingly simple. The realization of this crushed me to the core. How could I have been part of such an evil, sick thing? It breaks my heart. Yeah...I didn't know....but I should have know. I should have done my research to protect my body and my future family. But....that's all in the past now. And the story continues.

"You're going to need to have surgery to remove the IUD. The removal string broke and it's imbedded in your uterus." I wanted to scream. I wanted to grab his fat little neck and shake it violently. But....my personality wouldn't allow for such violent acts. I could only sit there, my eyes welling up with tears and ask him if we could just forget it and do it another time. We were on our way to Ohio right after this doctors appointment and the idea of surgery wasn't really appealing to me at the time. I was crushed...and very scared. The doctor continued to talk, but all I could do was blame myself....and him for not warning me of the dangers. He said something about going right over to the hospital for prep and I numbly walked there alone. Justin had to take the baby back home and feed him, and so it was just me and the Lord, side by side. I wanted to run far away and forget what I knew. I mean....surgery? But I dutifully walked up the hospital steps, shakily gave them my papers, and they sent me to the appropriate place where I was prepped for surgery. I asked the nurses about 1,000 questions concerning what was going to happen to me. I was very nervous and tense. They graciously answered all my questions and Justin arrived soon after that. I don't remember too much after that. They gave me some really great stuff that made me feel drunk (at least that's the effect they told me I would have). It was great. Then they numbed me from the chest down and gave me oxygen to assist my numbed respiratory tract. I didn't care. I was higher than high in the sky....everything was so funny. During the surgery, I was in and out....laughing and who knows what else. I get really weird on that kind of stuff....(and if you know me now...which most of you do....you know it's a reall trip when I get on stuff like that cause you know me when I'm not on it)! But really, this option was more preferrable to me than the other option....to be put to sleep with a tube down my throat and all that stuff. No way. They would have had to kill me first.

And so....I'm free of the Device of Death. And plead with anyone considering it to please consider. It is abortion...I'm convinced of that. Natural or not...I'd rather it be natural than part of my own doing. And so now what? The search goes on and the quest for true freedom in this birth control rollar coaster begins once again. Girls....you can relate, can you not? And for all my male readers....if you made it this far....congrats.....you've done better than I thought you would. Thanks for putting up with the world of women (if you're married you understand....if you're not you will once you're married)!

And now we're in Ohio...waiting until next weekend to discover if Logan, Ohio is the place for us. Miss you all....and thanks for walking with me through my world....it's chaotic at times, scary at times, hilarious (most of the time), and ridiculous all the time....but it wouldn't be my life if it wasn't any of that and I love where the Lord has brought me!