"When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window"

And indeed he certainly has. We lost our baby Tuesday, August 2nd at around 4 p.m. How ironic that Gabe turned eight months on this particular day (only 46 minutes later) and yet his milestone was discreetly missed. I went to the doctors in such pain (I literally felt like I was nine months pregnant and having a baby). The contractions were intense, and I had to call for help because I couldn't take care of Gabe with all the pain and (excuse me boys) blood. At first I didn't want to see the baby, but after all the pain was over, I decided I couldn't let the baby go without seeing for myself what he or she looked like. Justin was at work and I didn't want him to grieve without seeing his son or daughter and so I asked to take the baby home. Justin arrived right as I was leaving. I was so relieved to see him. He has had such a hard time accepting all this...as have I. Anyways, we now have our baby that I gave birth to sitting downstairs in a chemically injected cup to preserve him or her. What hurts the most is that my body actually birthed the baby. I was a little upset at the doctor for not preparing me better. I had no idea a miscarriage was that painful, scary or intenst. I was all alone and scared to death, and never will I be misinformed on something that huge by a medical professional again. And now hope has dawned, for we can finally grieve for our baby we never got to hold. At twelve weeks the waiting has ended, and hope was birthed alongside baby. I may still grieve, I may still cry, but I will never give up hope. I look at the beautiful baby I have already been blessed with and realize I have more blessing than I can keep up with. My baby, my husband, my very breath is a gift from God and I do not take them lightly.