WARNING: ANCIENT HISTORY

You ever get the feeling that your past should stay in your past? Thoughts you once used to have should just stay put???

I stumbled acrossed a couple of interesting blogs tonight....blogs that I had been searching for, but really didn't want to find. And tonight, by complete ACCIDENT....I found them. And then I got sick...really sick. And all I can really say is that it's history. Ancient history. Let's leave the past in the past. But my mind doesn't want to leave the past in the past. My mind wants to remind me of all the injustices done to me...of the broken hearts, of the manipulation and discust. Of the insanely intense stupidity on my part. And of those who knew better and who tried to warn me. Life. What legacies we can leave.

Painful memories flood my mind like a broken dam. Sometimes memories can be unkind. And the worst part about those memories is that they are just that. Memories. Left to play like a black and white movie on the screen of my mind, with no explanation, justification, reason, or rhyme. They torment me....and you know what's worse for me? The fact that the tormentor has NO IDEA.

But you know what? Fact is it's ancient history. Fact is I am married, with an amazing husband, beautiful boy, beautiful family, and a life of ministry ahead of me. Fact is, the past does not have to control my future. It's the million dollar phrase: THE PAST DOESN'T HAVE TO CONTROL MY FUTURE!!!

And so life will go on, regardless of painful memories. Hearts can be mended, forgiveness can be found. Tears can be bottled. But the most painful of all: something I thought I had dealt with just years ago can come flooding back in a flood of memories, along with the sickening realization that I never really dealt with it at all.