I saw something the other night that turned my stomach sour and brought tears to my eyes. It bothered me, but what bothered me the most was how disturbed I was by it...and how no one else seemed the least bit disturbed-which leaves me to wonder...am I overreacting in my VERY conservative and often times legalistic approach, or are people really not getting this?!?!? (And on that legalistic thing...the Lord has taken me great strides on that and He continues to help me-just felt the need to put that out there). What I saw, was a young boy of 12 holding hands with a young girl of the same age. And it didn't stop at holding hands...he had his hand on her upper thigh on one occasion. Some of you might stop reading right there, because you're rolling on the floor laughing at me making a huge deal over what you might term "insignificant" in the great scheme of things. But let me tell you...it pains my heart to see it. 12 YEARS OLD?!?!?! Hello! What do you know about that stuff at 12 years old? And if they're doing that around everyone, what are they doing when everyone isn't around?? Is this okay? Am I overreacting? Justin and I have talked about it some, but I don't feel like there's anyone else (besides family) I'd feel comfortable discussing this with. I just need to know if I'm being completely irrational. But all I keep thinking about is my babies. What if that were my baby with his hand on another girls thigh? Holding her hand at a mere 12 years old...and still such a young and tender age? And if that's okay, then where do you draw the line? I know first hand the pain, regret, and shame of awakening desires before their time and it's not something I wish on any teen (or pre-teen for that matter). I know it's hard, especially when we're bombarded with sex from seemingly every avenue we have available to us, but that's no excuse! I try to understand and see it from a twelve year old's point of view, but I just can't make peace in my heart about it-can't make peace with the fact that I won't tolerate anything like that from my own boys. It's out of the question. Am I wrong to say that? To demand that I will do anything to help my boys remain pure in every avenue of their lives...not just their sexual desires? Prayer will have to be my greatest offense. I'm still so jumbled with how I feel about it, and have a hard time putting my feelings into words regarding this. My heart breaks and even now brings tears to my eyes. I would appreciate some dialogue on this...your feedback and some different points of view. Perhaps that would help me sort out what's going on in this head of mine. I will continue to fervently pray on this matter. I want to know what is right. More so, I want to know what the right approach is to raising my boys in this matter. I simply cannot lock them in a glass cage away from all the evil this world has to offer, but I cannot stand by and throw them to the lions without the proper guidance, teaching, and training from the Word of God. It's my constant prayer that they will take Jesus as their own personal Savior and live as He would want them to live. I want them to see first hand (through Justin and my example) how a man is called to treat a woman and visa versa-with love and respect. Tall order with 2 pairs of eyes always watching. ARG. I did not intend on writing an essay...please share your thoughts.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Where do you draw the line?
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11 comments:
No, I agree with you. And I don't think it's a "legalistic" view, but as parents, we tend to picture other children and replace them with our own and think, "If that were MY child..."..and some parents don't care about their kids doing that stuff, and others, like myself, would be crushed if i were my 12 year old son, holding another girl's hand or putting his hand on her thigh. Not MY baby!! I, personally, feel it's too young, because I remember being 12, and I remember my state of mind at that age, and I know that a 12 year old is not capable of a responsible relationship at that age. Nor is it necessary. If my kids try to do that stuff at that age, I'll simply attempt to tell them to give it a rest and enjoy being a kid for the short time they have left.
So glad you're back...I missed you!
I agree with you as well. I think it's very sad when kids that age are already thinking and acting in 'coupling' ways.
12 years old? Yich. I agree with you, too.
I also agree with you. I used to work with Jr. Highers at my old church and things we would see just amazed me. But the sad thing is that I recently heard some teachers talking about Jr. High kids having sex in the bathrooms at school. Now that is just crazy, we obviously live in a time where it is important to make sure our kids know what plans God has for our lives!! :)
yes, 12 is way too young to be even holding hands, let alone anything else.
The hand holding doesn't surprise me, but the hand on the thigh would definately make me uncomfortable!
Thing is, teens (and pre-teens) do have sexual feelings - especially as kids reach puberty earlier and earlier. Then there is the pressure from peers, media and older siblings as well. When I was 10 I had a "boyfriend" who asked to put his hand up my shirt, so none of this is new (for the record, my response was to punch him in the face. I didn't get in trouble).
I think it is SO important to be open with kids about those things - to let them know that whatever they feel (or don't feel) is ok. To encourage friendships with the opposite sex and explain why being a friend is much better than being a couple (even if it's just to avoid the drama of breaking up). The more quiet we are about sexuality the more confusing it gets for kids, and the more likely they are to try and figure things out all on their own.
I completely agree! The Bible says we are to flee sexual immorality. Flee is a pretty strong word. It doesn't mean to test the limits, or define where the line is and get as close to it as possible. No, it means to run for your life! God knows how incredibly damaging sexual mess-ups can be, and he wants to help us avoid them. Twelve is way too young to be touching a girl's upper thigh, and I wouldn't want my kids holding hand at that age, either. I don't even like how we ask toddlers if they have girlfriends yet. It's just encouraging something way too early, and getting them thinking about something that they're way too young for anyway.
Without becoming my own novel, here. Yes, I agree it's too young. It doesn't neccessarily mean those kids will be hopping into bed by 14, but it sure doesn't help keep them from starting down that path.
Too young....
I think it's to young- especially for the hand on the thigh thing. I have a little question about the whole "If they are doing that in public what are the doing in private attitude" that we have. It pretty much gives kids permission to miss around when they are alone because we've made it clear that we expect them to.
I've known a lot of teenage couples who conduct themselves the same way alone than in public. I've learned to not assume that a level of public effection is not nesessiarly a measure of (more) private affection.
As a kid who grew up way too fast, I gotta say that seemed pretty innocent. But I wasn't there and don't know those kids. You have every right to raise your boys as you see fit. God knows the scars so many of us carry from becoming sexually active way too young. Kudos to you for putting a possibly unpopular view out there for all to see. If the girl was wearing a thong though, they're definitely doing something.
Good words.
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